I can only love

It's been a wild last few days. Arguments with family. Coldness with a loved one. What can I do in my position? Am I just so trapped in between?

To be in your arms would be such a blessing. Yet, to loose my family would be so much more of a sin. If love is true, it will pass through, if it is not, it was not meant to be from the start. Could you not feel my pain and feel my sorrow? Could you not feel my bravery in facing these decisions? I cannot give up my family for you, love, I do not want them to hate you, I do not want them to see you as an enemy. You said yourself that family is important, then I only pray that you can see how important they are also to me, even if we have issues, we are still a family. I can only wish to include you into my family, not exclude myself from them.

Two weeks is not long enough for me to make such a decision. If I think rationally, this is the proper way. You asked me where does my heart lead me. It leads me both ways. To you, love, to my family, another love. It only tortures me so much now that I have pained everyone, a part of myself is lost in this struggle and neither one is willing to understand. I will become independent from my family, but I do not want you to become the cause. I can only wish that what you said is true, that your love is true, I can only wait and believe. Then I work my way to where I want to be, and see what the world has for me. We said that we'd try to get to know each other better, and should we not do such? I do not know you enough to say I know you well, so here I am trying and trying.

They say when a girl is too easily gain, the man easily forgets. If that is indeed the case, then let it be said, easy or not easy, the depth is the same. It was not meant to be easy from the start, merely returning to our original expectations. I do not longer understand either parties, you nor my parents, for your actions. I did everything I can for the best, but either understands. Both thinks of the impossible lost, both thinks of what they have not, yet both do not see what I loose in this, what I gain in this, what position I have now in this.

I can only love...