Much prefer to have a Heavy Metal Christmas~
Monday, December 25, 2006
Sunday, December 24, 2006
to be... free
and i shout
freedom
and no one hears a sound
for the voice is been drugged with negativity
that the sound cannot be passed the frozen walls
around the heart it coils in serpent trails
iced
waiting for the day when it breaks out
me
unshelled
freedom
and no one hears a sound
for the voice is been drugged with negativity
that the sound cannot be passed the frozen walls
around the heart it coils in serpent trails
iced
waiting for the day when it breaks out
me
unshelled
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Freedom Liberty and... all out
Limitations, restrictions, cage
Freedom, liberty, out
I want out.
within the cage everything falls in an endless chaos. this and that and that and this. be this and that and that and this. do this and that and that and this.
A friend once said, everyone has an emptiness inside (每個人心中都有一個空白)
I wonder if I have one. Maybe what I have, isn't just an emptiness, but a whole vast of nothingness. A void. A blackhole. A pie without the fillings. An unstuffed lean turkey, stripped to the bones.
Maybe it isn't an emptiness, but a volcano on the edge to explode. Get me out of this cage. Get me out!
the longer the stay prolonged, the deeper the chaos rolls itself out. took me one year to recover from three years of war, how long will it take me now? that the cut is to the bones, the heart is battered out, and the mind is swimming in a duel world of...
reality and unreal
you know that feeling like as if you are always dreaming, like... that your dreams and your realities... they are not separate, but are the same. to look in the world and see it like a dream. to see a phone and not really see it as a phone. it is not a phone, it is merely named a phone... to...wonder where you are because you don't feel your own existence. maybe if you just hide under the blanket, blink your eyes three times, you'll be back in the real world... if there IS a real world.
(blinked... didn't work)
not depressed, for those who worry. just annoyed. very annoyed. not so much at myself anymore either, but more at how stupid the efforts projected didn't work. oh well... get out of here and move on on my own.
freedom libery all out
then... the individual will be able to function in its individually organized way
who the fuck are you to tell me what to think or say?
Freedom, liberty, out
I want out.
within the cage everything falls in an endless chaos. this and that and that and this. be this and that and that and this. do this and that and that and this.
A friend once said, everyone has an emptiness inside (每個人心中都有一個空白)
I wonder if I have one. Maybe what I have, isn't just an emptiness, but a whole vast of nothingness. A void. A blackhole. A pie without the fillings. An unstuffed lean turkey, stripped to the bones.
Maybe it isn't an emptiness, but a volcano on the edge to explode. Get me out of this cage. Get me out!
the longer the stay prolonged, the deeper the chaos rolls itself out. took me one year to recover from three years of war, how long will it take me now? that the cut is to the bones, the heart is battered out, and the mind is swimming in a duel world of...
reality and unreal
you know that feeling like as if you are always dreaming, like... that your dreams and your realities... they are not separate, but are the same. to look in the world and see it like a dream. to see a phone and not really see it as a phone. it is not a phone, it is merely named a phone... to...wonder where you are because you don't feel your own existence. maybe if you just hide under the blanket, blink your eyes three times, you'll be back in the real world... if there IS a real world.
(blinked... didn't work)
not depressed, for those who worry. just annoyed. very annoyed. not so much at myself anymore either, but more at how stupid the efforts projected didn't work. oh well... get out of here and move on on my own.
freedom libery all out
then... the individual will be able to function in its individually organized way
who the fuck are you to tell me what to think or say?
Bittersweet Symphony
The Verve. British band. Still decadent. My first encounter after messing around with YouTube when I should be preping for the class this evening. Sounds like I'll need to rush through the rest of the next few hours. However, the discovery was great, however side-tracked I may be. Not so much the song that caught my fancy, but the darling pictures moving.
Check out the details, Yale, you'll find it thrilling as well.
I trust that you'll find life full of wonders after this MTV. It might have been far more effective than the song itself.
Büch Dich
ja... mein Deutsch nicht gut...
not good enough to understand the lyric of this song, at least... not even close... however... quite a very thrilling MTV.
For all those who are more on the conservative side... uhr... sorry
For those who already knew me quite well... what do you expect, right?
not good enough to understand the lyric of this song, at least... not even close... however... quite a very thrilling MTV.
For all those who are more on the conservative side... uhr... sorry
For those who already knew me quite well... what do you expect, right?
Life Burns & Bittersweet
Sometimes you gotta love YouTube.
Definitely worth looking into. I don't know why, despite most of my friend's odd comments that The Rasmus could barely be counted as "good", I found fascination with songs combining Apocalyptica and The Rasmus. In particularly this song. It does burn a bit.
The making of it, definitely interesting.
Prolly it's because of my perculiar adoration for Finnish boys and Finnish English. Lauri's voice is just.... so... Finn and so... Cute... >< And well... Apocalyptica... don't have to continue that part... :P
Another collaboration (still seeking for more) would be Bittersweet of Lauri, HIM and Apocalyptica. I can already hear Quintin shouting that this is bad taste, but I think we are allowed bad taste every once in awhile. :P
And just to get a bit more wicked. The making of it~~~ nice~~~ Though... didn't expect they actually really had to play the cello upside down.
Okay... I think I've got some infatuation with Finnish people and Germans. @@
Decadent... just look at those Finnish boys... so... decadent...
Seriously, I miss those decadent days...
Definitely worth looking into. I don't know why, despite most of my friend's odd comments that The Rasmus could barely be counted as "good", I found fascination with songs combining Apocalyptica and The Rasmus. In particularly this song. It does burn a bit.
The making of it, definitely interesting.
Prolly it's because of my perculiar adoration for Finnish boys and Finnish English. Lauri's voice is just.... so... Finn and so... Cute... >< And well... Apocalyptica... don't have to continue that part... :P
Another collaboration (still seeking for more) would be Bittersweet of Lauri, HIM and Apocalyptica. I can already hear Quintin shouting that this is bad taste, but I think we are allowed bad taste every once in awhile. :P
And just to get a bit more wicked. The making of it~~~ nice~~~ Though... didn't expect they actually really had to play the cello upside down.
Okay... I think I've got some infatuation with Finnish people and Germans. @@
Decadent... just look at those Finnish boys... so... decadent...
Seriously, I miss those decadent days...
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
University Libraries
Feng Chia University Library. How student-i one can feel being back in the library with books surrounding you. Well, also how interesting it is to see the students sitting here and there, working hard for a future very different from their imagination. Then the pretty girls dressed in short skirts and high heels walking around with pretty textbooks folded under their arms... like those American teenage movies we all adore once or twice in our lives. You wonder what they are doing in a library. Actually, if you think about the one place most sociable and memorable in your university years, the library is hard to miss.
--- a travel back in time ---
When I was,.........
For as far as I can remember, the library has been a haven for me. Here, you find tranquality hard to find anywhere else. At home, there's hundreds of sounds, errands, distractions going on at every passing moment. In class there's your bestfriend dragging on about how horrible her relationship is, but how she doesn't want to get herself out of that misery, just yet. There are some people who do equations between fries bites in MacDonald, people who fill in lyrics and rhymes between coffee sips in Starbucks, and people who wonder around but still get good grades in the dark corners of the university (don't know why, they always give me the dark corner impression). But in a library, especially an university library, you always have something a bit more, hum... say... intellectual going on.
Back in the age of Ohio University, I was one of those... uncommon 5th grade guests. We're lucky at Ohio, you don't need a pass to get into the University Library. Actually, in most of the university library I've been to, you don't need a pass to get in. You can even get a library card if you are not in the library. Libraries are made to be used by people, not to be locked up. I remember how I'd always find this particular corner I loved the most in the library and go there empty pockets on a Saturday afternoon and just pick up a book. Sometimes I attempt the impossible of university level non-fictions, but normally I just roam around the young literature section. When you are young, you are reckless. I had the impression that if I persist in reading, I will eventually read all the book in the world. That mission have not been accomplished, and actually have been on halt for many years now. Perhaps another attempt can be made, you know, God said there's a second chance (or did he?).
Three years swam by, and I landed back home, discovering myself in a place where... there's... no... proper... libraries. My idea of a library had always been very organized books, very cozy sofa and couches, very quiet, very cold. You can kind of just scrunch in somewhere in the library, either on the floor or against a wall and cuddle all day and all night long. No one cuddles books here, apparently, or at least I don't know anyone who does other than me. So... I learned to stop.
A year passed and I find myself standing in front of a "real" library one afternoon. Or at least that's what I called the NTU Library after I got home and told my parents about it. I couldn't enter it, much to my dismay, and much to my surprise, but at least I could look at it from the outside. So... I decided I needed to go to NTU. I needed a library.
For the three years I stayed at NTU, the library continued to be a most visited location. Sometimes I skip classes to read in the library, sometimes just to write, sometimes just to relax. Sometimes I stay there until 4 in the morning, sometimes I go there at 6 in the morning. I don't actually live in the library yet, but it certainly was a place where youd find me most. There isn't the huge collections of books I was dreaming of, but there was enough for me, better than what I could find for years since my return from the States. Now, the NTU University Library is really something. I've never seen a library like it. I've seen a lot of libraries, and a lot of students in libraries, but never one like the NTU library. I've always had the impression that libraries were more for visits, however long and however short. They are places you run to for books between classes, place you go study in, place you find inspiration in, etc. The NTU Library... was actually a place... you could live in (Sincerely... you can accomplish a dream of living in books if you go to the NTU Library). Of course, I am not saying everywhere in the library, but on the basement of the library, where there's the sweet smell of wood and light yellow lights, is the studyhall. This study hall lived up to its name as it is always cramped with students from all departments and all grades. Aside from the fact that it looks sometimes a little bit like a very big "supermarket" of students... or... a factory of reports and papers... with rows and rows of wooden desks and lamps, it was quite a place to be in. So much of a nice place that quite often people refuse to leave it. Hence, there will be sits here and there where you will find desks filled with notes, with blankets, pillows, stacks of books, etc. all over the place. Now, that's something worth remembering. :P
My favorite library, however, is the library of humanitarians at the University of Helsinki. Well, it's also my favorite school so far in my studies. The degree of freedom, the madness of the students, all very appealing for me. This particular library sits towards the ends of the spread out school in the center of Helsinki. On the second floor of this library is the American / British Literature section, that's where you'd most likely find me. :) For about a semester's time I cramped up there quite often with the huge wooden table (again... wood) studying Hemingway (with lacking information, unfortunately~). I chose a tricky topic... between Hemingway's real-life and his fictional-life with just about a handful of information to work with. I chose to talk about Hemingway's character in a way different from most papers (trust me, not a good idea to go too innovative sometimes). In the library, there was always inspiration waiting. There was a windown that went from top of the building to the bottom, and sitting next to the window, you can see the streets below (no buildings are allowed to be talled than the trees in Helsinki, so you can see everything). Right outside is a tiny garden between Kaisaniemenk and Fabirinkatu (I think). A hourse stands on the garden next to a tree. Here you can see the change of the season, the people coming and passing... Sometimes it feels just like a fantasy world, sitting there, looking out the window, feeling the live all around you in a place as cold as Finland. You'd watch the students walking on the street and wondering what they are talking about. Are they wondering about their future? Are they indulged in a discussion about existentialism? Maybe about nazism? Maybe about morality? Maybe about culture? Maybe about how horrible the food is at the UniCafe? Maybe complaining about Finland and at the same time being extremely patriotic to the nation? Then you see the people all around you with stack of books, tediously reading through each one, copying down the parts they want, memorizing the important points. It's a beautiful library, small, but compacted and comfortable.
---
Sitting in the hard chair at the Feng Chai University Library, I find myself missing a really beautiful library. This library is really nice, nicely temperated, nicely built, but still missing that special something, that certain smell the perfect library has.
Still looking, for that perfect library somewhere to be...
--- a travel back in time ---
When I was,.........
For as far as I can remember, the library has been a haven for me. Here, you find tranquality hard to find anywhere else. At home, there's hundreds of sounds, errands, distractions going on at every passing moment. In class there's your bestfriend dragging on about how horrible her relationship is, but how she doesn't want to get herself out of that misery, just yet. There are some people who do equations between fries bites in MacDonald, people who fill in lyrics and rhymes between coffee sips in Starbucks, and people who wonder around but still get good grades in the dark corners of the university (don't know why, they always give me the dark corner impression). But in a library, especially an university library, you always have something a bit more, hum... say... intellectual going on.
Back in the age of Ohio University, I was one of those... uncommon 5th grade guests. We're lucky at Ohio, you don't need a pass to get into the University Library. Actually, in most of the university library I've been to, you don't need a pass to get in. You can even get a library card if you are not in the library. Libraries are made to be used by people, not to be locked up. I remember how I'd always find this particular corner I loved the most in the library and go there empty pockets on a Saturday afternoon and just pick up a book. Sometimes I attempt the impossible of university level non-fictions, but normally I just roam around the young literature section. When you are young, you are reckless. I had the impression that if I persist in reading, I will eventually read all the book in the world. That mission have not been accomplished, and actually have been on halt for many years now. Perhaps another attempt can be made, you know, God said there's a second chance (or did he?).
Three years swam by, and I landed back home, discovering myself in a place where... there's... no... proper... libraries. My idea of a library had always been very organized books, very cozy sofa and couches, very quiet, very cold. You can kind of just scrunch in somewhere in the library, either on the floor or against a wall and cuddle all day and all night long. No one cuddles books here, apparently, or at least I don't know anyone who does other than me. So... I learned to stop.
A year passed and I find myself standing in front of a "real" library one afternoon. Or at least that's what I called the NTU Library after I got home and told my parents about it. I couldn't enter it, much to my dismay, and much to my surprise, but at least I could look at it from the outside. So... I decided I needed to go to NTU. I needed a library.
For the three years I stayed at NTU, the library continued to be a most visited location. Sometimes I skip classes to read in the library, sometimes just to write, sometimes just to relax. Sometimes I stay there until 4 in the morning, sometimes I go there at 6 in the morning. I don't actually live in the library yet, but it certainly was a place where youd find me most. There isn't the huge collections of books I was dreaming of, but there was enough for me, better than what I could find for years since my return from the States. Now, the NTU University Library is really something. I've never seen a library like it. I've seen a lot of libraries, and a lot of students in libraries, but never one like the NTU library. I've always had the impression that libraries were more for visits, however long and however short. They are places you run to for books between classes, place you go study in, place you find inspiration in, etc. The NTU Library... was actually a place... you could live in (Sincerely... you can accomplish a dream of living in books if you go to the NTU Library). Of course, I am not saying everywhere in the library, but on the basement of the library, where there's the sweet smell of wood and light yellow lights, is the studyhall. This study hall lived up to its name as it is always cramped with students from all departments and all grades. Aside from the fact that it looks sometimes a little bit like a very big "supermarket" of students... or... a factory of reports and papers... with rows and rows of wooden desks and lamps, it was quite a place to be in. So much of a nice place that quite often people refuse to leave it. Hence, there will be sits here and there where you will find desks filled with notes, with blankets, pillows, stacks of books, etc. all over the place. Now, that's something worth remembering. :P
My favorite library, however, is the library of humanitarians at the University of Helsinki. Well, it's also my favorite school so far in my studies. The degree of freedom, the madness of the students, all very appealing for me. This particular library sits towards the ends of the spread out school in the center of Helsinki. On the second floor of this library is the American / British Literature section, that's where you'd most likely find me. :) For about a semester's time I cramped up there quite often with the huge wooden table (again... wood) studying Hemingway (with lacking information, unfortunately~). I chose a tricky topic... between Hemingway's real-life and his fictional-life with just about a handful of information to work with. I chose to talk about Hemingway's character in a way different from most papers (trust me, not a good idea to go too innovative sometimes). In the library, there was always inspiration waiting. There was a windown that went from top of the building to the bottom, and sitting next to the window, you can see the streets below (no buildings are allowed to be talled than the trees in Helsinki, so you can see everything). Right outside is a tiny garden between Kaisaniemenk and Fabirinkatu (I think). A hourse stands on the garden next to a tree. Here you can see the change of the season, the people coming and passing... Sometimes it feels just like a fantasy world, sitting there, looking out the window, feeling the live all around you in a place as cold as Finland. You'd watch the students walking on the street and wondering what they are talking about. Are they wondering about their future? Are they indulged in a discussion about existentialism? Maybe about nazism? Maybe about morality? Maybe about culture? Maybe about how horrible the food is at the UniCafe? Maybe complaining about Finland and at the same time being extremely patriotic to the nation? Then you see the people all around you with stack of books, tediously reading through each one, copying down the parts they want, memorizing the important points. It's a beautiful library, small, but compacted and comfortable.
---
Sitting in the hard chair at the Feng Chai University Library, I find myself missing a really beautiful library. This library is really nice, nicely temperated, nicely built, but still missing that special something, that certain smell the perfect library has.
Still looking, for that perfect library somewhere to be...
Monday, December 11, 2006
What happend if you google "Heavy Metal"
Click... so goes google... :P
But what happens when you click "Heavy Metal" onto google?
As we all know, google will never give you what you want first... grrr
http://www.heavymetal.com/
So say the God Google. He spit out the link, and the website is opened. Just from the name straight, would have thought that I must have hit a jack-pot... Comparing it with the website, somehow I feel I am in the wrong place. Taking a closer look, it's a magazine (adult fantasy) or comic (confused... a bit) or animation (even more confused now)... of adult fantasy graphic art. Nice art, actually... I used to really adore this type of art as a child (actually, I still do)... and very tempting for men, I guess... @@
http://www.heavymetaluniverse.com/home.php
WOW! That's more like it... unfortunately... no Nu Metal or Industrial... maybe I should click for Nu Metal or Industrial next time.
http://www.hardradio.com/hr3.html
Now, this looks promising and quite... informative.
http://www.hardradio.com/hr3.html
Rock into the hardmusic section, and suddenly this website is on my top ten list. :P
http://www.anus.com/metal/about/history.html
My favorite find is probably this. A "thesis" on metal music. This, is definitely what I'm looking for~ A more scholarly approach. :P
But what happens when you click "Heavy Metal" onto google?
As we all know, google will never give you what you want first... grrr
http://www.heavymetal.com/
So say the God Google. He spit out the link, and the website is opened. Just from the name straight, would have thought that I must have hit a jack-pot... Comparing it with the website, somehow I feel I am in the wrong place. Taking a closer look, it's a magazine (adult fantasy) or comic (confused... a bit) or animation (even more confused now)... of adult fantasy graphic art. Nice art, actually... I used to really adore this type of art as a child (actually, I still do)... and very tempting for men, I guess... @@
http://www.heavymetaluniverse.com/home.php
WOW! That's more like it... unfortunately... no Nu Metal or Industrial... maybe I should click for Nu Metal or Industrial next time.
http://www.hardradio.com/hr3.html
Now, this looks promising and quite... informative.
http://www.hardradio.com/hr3.html
Rock into the hardmusic section, and suddenly this website is on my top ten list. :P
http://www.anus.com/metal/about/history.html
My favorite find is probably this. A "thesis" on metal music. This, is definitely what I'm looking for~ A more scholarly approach. :P
奇怪的人 Odd People
世界上奇怪的人很多～
很厲害的人也很多～
我～～～要更強～
我～～～要更厲害～
我～～～要在我的領域裡闖出一片天～
---
There's plenty of Odd ppl in the world
Plenty of powerful ppl in the world
I want to be more stronger
Be more powerful
Break a new world into this field
很厲害的人也很多～
我～～～要更強～
我～～～要更厲害～
我～～～要在我的領域裡闖出一片天～
---
There's plenty of Odd ppl in the world
Plenty of powerful ppl in the world
I want to be more stronger
Be more powerful
Break a new world into this field
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Focus
being focused and persistant with things definitely is not one of my strong points. however, that is the very requirement of the present world for anyone to be "anything" at all. what my dream once was, to become an amazing writer, now, i am not so convinced. what is an amazing writer who cannot support herself?
or perhaps, as many have told me, what is an amazing writer who rarely dares to show her actual work? okay... maybe the upcoming focus should be to make a change of that...
---
there really is such a thing as 報應... when you do something bad, it definitely comes back to you, no matter if you did it full hearted, or without much thought. when we are children, we are allowed a certain degree of freedom to make mistakes, but once we are grown, that is no longer acceptable. what's in the past is in the past, leave it in the past... that is all...
---
sophistication. Fei once commented on me as being a sophisticated girl. i suppose that would be one of my biggest attractions. yet, sophistication comes with a price, the the price is normally not too small...
had a nightmare of Roger, and finally realized how I felt about the whole relationship... a nightmare, a nightmare i've been trying to wake up from for a long time, and i think i am lucky that i did... it's something i wish would stay in the dark corner of my mind and not haunt me anymore... i paid a very big price for this lesson, a very very big price.
---
but then, i am also lucky
because of these things, i learned to cherish what i have now~ :) the joy i have now, however distant it is~ however far~
or perhaps, as many have told me, what is an amazing writer who rarely dares to show her actual work? okay... maybe the upcoming focus should be to make a change of that...
---
there really is such a thing as 報應... when you do something bad, it definitely comes back to you, no matter if you did it full hearted, or without much thought. when we are children, we are allowed a certain degree of freedom to make mistakes, but once we are grown, that is no longer acceptable. what's in the past is in the past, leave it in the past... that is all...
---
sophistication. Fei once commented on me as being a sophisticated girl. i suppose that would be one of my biggest attractions. yet, sophistication comes with a price, the the price is normally not too small...
had a nightmare of Roger, and finally realized how I felt about the whole relationship... a nightmare, a nightmare i've been trying to wake up from for a long time, and i think i am lucky that i did... it's something i wish would stay in the dark corner of my mind and not haunt me anymore... i paid a very big price for this lesson, a very very big price.
---
but then, i am also lucky
because of these things, i learned to cherish what i have now~ :) the joy i have now, however distant it is~ however far~
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Missing Finland
Daily, I miss FInland. I think, I've never found a place I felt more belonging, a place more free than that land. The vastness, the distance, the freedom. Listening to the old musics in my computer, music from Finlandia times, the time when I sat facing the forest, with the dews still fresh on the leaves. The time when looking out I could see nature at its full display. The time of Barclay and the evening sun. The time of isolation, the time of self-realization, the time of self-understanding. Sometimes you need to be away from something to understand something. Here in a world where communal life is over-emphasized, the crowd is endlessly crushing in, I can finally really appreciate and understand that sense of freedom in Finland. I want, and desire to slowly gain back the freedom, the freedom to decide on my own what I want, where to go, what to become.
--
We can blame no one for who we are, what we have done, where we will be.
--
When will Finland come back to me?
--
We can blame no one for who we are, what we have done, where we will be.
--
When will Finland come back to me?
US plans permanent base on Moon
Imagine this. US planning permanent base on the MOON!!!!!!
Imagine more! Is this science fiction coming true?
Where are we going with this? Goodness sakes! WOW! :)
I wish I will be up there some day, or at MARS. Just somewhere away, far faraway. Maybe there'll be some freedom out there, far in the distance someday.
Imagine more! Is this science fiction coming true?
Where are we going with this? Goodness sakes! WOW! :)
I wish I will be up there some day, or at MARS. Just somewhere away, far faraway. Maybe there'll be some freedom out there, far in the distance someday.
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