Taiwan Day!

Today I start working for my dad... Okay, technically I start working for my dad, but actually I think I just did some very basic research which couldn't be called work and now am going to venture with the idea of enriching myself with knowledge on enterpreneuership education within the next two weeks. In the middle of August I will be attending a conference for my dad where enterpreneuers from around the world will come together in Taipei and discuss various issues concerning, well, enterpreneuer education. This means that technically I can't start working in a seriously paid for (I am paid for by my dad, but that's his money, not "mine") job until September 1st. Also means that I'm not hurrying to find a job this week, but will work on that next week (since if I start this week, I might have to start working before the end of August, which will conflict with everything else). Presently my life is filled with:

1. Enterpreneuership Education
2. Experiential Education
3. General Education Theories (is there a beginner's guide in this stuff?)
4. German (all the basic speaking stuff is the first priority)
5. Writing (for some reason I might have to open a class for my dad about my european trip... aside from the book my mother demands night and day... =.=)
6. Demanding parents, even more demanding brother (someone please tell me just why he would discuss my life with my dad in front of me... =.= without consulting the entity they are discussing about!)
7. TV noise (family addiction... and my one absolute hatred at the moment... it pisses me off easily)
8. English (absolutely deterioting)
9. Chinese (even more deterioted... soon I think I'll loose the whole capability of conversation)
10. Job planning (that's not so hard... I think/hope)
11. MONEY! (very urgent, indeed)
12. Further education plans (the constant questioning of my father/relatives)
13. Luggages (no, I have not unpacked... YET... >< have to clean out a room in the house somewhere!!!)
14. Mom's business (which I will try to start tonight despite all sakes)
15. Translation job (actually the easiest thing to do of all)
16. Little things here and there (chaos... as a matter of fact)
17. Love (Kiss kiss)
18. Worries (about job, love, family, future, myself)
19. Health problems (skin alergy, food alergy, stomachache, backache, PMS... etc.)
20. Books (I am looking at 6 books that I actually REALLY have to finish reading in a few days... not even a week!!!)
21. Mother (argh! do something and stop nagging... but then, you won't be my mom if you don't nag... so... lol)
22. Jet-lag (seriously running on both Berlin time and Taiwanese time at the moment, though I don't mind it~)
23. Can't think of anything more at the moment~

If I am lucky... it won't increase by tomorrow... But when it comes to work / business... I'm normally not that lucky. At the moment I feel rather stupid academic-wise. I already knew English well enough and then I studies English, so now... I've gained not much more from University than a diplomat that doesn't help much with my life moving out of Taiwan (which is where every single member of my lovely family is orienting me towards... I do admit I feel more comfortable out of Taiwan). That means I need to find a second, third and forth specialty... which at the moment seems to be: 1. Chinese as a Second Language. 2. English as a Second Language. 3. Enterpreneuership Education (the heck?!). 4. Patent Law (or intellectual property law... the bigger heck... but yes... that's where I'm practically ordered to get into... but since I don't mind it, it should be fun somehow... it's we the one who find the fun, not fun the one who finds us). 5. Education in general (heck heck heck! and yes... that's where Naomi seems to be drifting towards now... and good that it's not actually changing in a few weeks anymore).

Personally still aiming for a job at a publishing company, and will also try something daring: Wedding Planning. If I get into that wedding planning job it might change my life forever, but it would be quite an exciting change, wouldn't it? If I get into the publishing job I am looking at, then it's a challenge to prove my capabilities (damn, they said that if you can stay in that company for more than 10 days, you're GOD). Anyways, I'll still do something close to my adoration for English language, and hopefully will have my name on a book or two within the year (well, it'll be with my father's name, but it's good anyways).

Basically, I'm not counting on my intuition for anything at the moment anymore... just work harder, that's all~ It seems like I won't be taking anymore breaks until I turn 30. Or maybe even longer~~~ >< The only difference is, the Naomi who didn't want stable family back then does want one now, kind of. But being at home makes me afraid again, of stable relationships (Sorry love), I'm trying not to be afraid anymore, but seeing the way my family runs (the way my parents are) can make you really hopeless when it comes to relationships (which is good for a career-oriented person or a person running long distance relationships). Well, it's quite a distance, time or space-wise. But, yes, I think I would love to one day have a family. At least I might be different from my parents (isn't that what we all say and then we all turn into our parents anyway), at least I'll be my dad and not my mom (of course, cuz I'm far closer to my dad than my mom). Well, a nice single child family sounds nice, but not in the very close future, not for a few years yet. It's time to work for something, and that's something worth working for, isn't it? Actually, just working for myself is worth the effort~

Don't know what my future will look like, but, I enjoy what I am doing now, so, I'll just keep going like this. Enjoy going to work with my father, enjoy reading all these really interesting books (oh dear! I actually find these books INTERESTING! I REALLY am my father's daughter~). Now, I need to work on my EQ and social skills and timing for speaking/listening.

Okay... this is the basic update of my life. Not much of a mess up, actually... it is getting organized again. I love organized, can't live un-organized~

Love love love!!!

I can only love

It's been a wild last few days. Arguments with family. Coldness with a loved one. What can I do in my position? Am I just so trapped in between?

To be in your arms would be such a blessing. Yet, to loose my family would be so much more of a sin. If love is true, it will pass through, if it is not, it was not meant to be from the start. Could you not feel my pain and feel my sorrow? Could you not feel my bravery in facing these decisions? I cannot give up my family for you, love, I do not want them to hate you, I do not want them to see you as an enemy. You said yourself that family is important, then I only pray that you can see how important they are also to me, even if we have issues, we are still a family. I can only wish to include you into my family, not exclude myself from them.

Two weeks is not long enough for me to make such a decision. If I think rationally, this is the proper way. You asked me where does my heart lead me. It leads me both ways. To you, love, to my family, another love. It only tortures me so much now that I have pained everyone, a part of myself is lost in this struggle and neither one is willing to understand. I will become independent from my family, but I do not want you to become the cause. I can only wish that what you said is true, that your love is true, I can only wait and believe. Then I work my way to where I want to be, and see what the world has for me. We said that we'd try to get to know each other better, and should we not do such? I do not know you enough to say I know you well, so here I am trying and trying.

They say when a girl is too easily gain, the man easily forgets. If that is indeed the case, then let it be said, easy or not easy, the depth is the same. It was not meant to be easy from the start, merely returning to our original expectations. I do not longer understand either parties, you nor my parents, for your actions. I did everything I can for the best, but either understands. Both thinks of the impossible lost, both thinks of what they have not, yet both do not see what I loose in this, what I gain in this, what position I have now in this.

I can only love...

This is when romanticism lost and reality kicks in

Well... more like a harmony of the two...

But more reality is needed...

Let's brave it... slowly

In your arms

In your arms lies my dreams
In your eyes lies my peace
Come to me, love
And take me to where you will be

Whispers to my Aleman

Many stilled water are currents beneath
Are you one, my Aleman?
Many quiet trees whisper of storms
Are you one, my Aleman?
My currents are running stron
My whispers are loud and sound
Each character in eyes behold and sprung
Do you see them, my Aleman?
We color the day with sunlights and stormlights
We water the night with quickened beats of heart
Brushed together by the hands of God
If there be a God
Lead me where to, my Aleman?
Ask not, my Mari-Tan

LIllies are dead

A lilly pure, withering
A loving pure, staining
A blossom lost, petaling
A moment's truth, speaking
Weeding the way in between, whispering
Pain lost yet found, quickening
Expectations unrealized and impractical
Hence exposed the very edge we hold
Hand in hand in disgust
That's the truthsayer's speaking
Think not that the reality desposed
Karma is here and now
Before and after, chasing us down
An angel's wings clipped
What appreances offer are talents lost
Never again breath the words for a liar's truth is still a liar's lot
Birds of a feath may flock
Flock us not for
In dark I truely am white, in white you truely are stained
In shame I am truely of pride, in pride you truely are deprived
My angel's wings are given by God, yours given by a name you should have not