At work, boss' expectations
At home, family's expectations
Online, boyfriend's expectations
Read an article about living under the social expectations, how that pressure of it is making life for the middle class so hard. I've already, in my own value and understanding, jumped my own mind set out of that expectation.
Yet... Although I doin't desire anything but to live freely and with quality (lower desires... high qualities), although I don't care much for the social "expectations" or "value" of what it means to be successful... I live in the world of parents' expectations... parents' values... What they think is successful, what is not...
Where is myself in the story now? It's all about what everyone else wants, and how I have to make these things seem like what I want or else I'll disappoint or hurt someone.
I'm so tired I no longer know what vacation is like anymore, I don't even know what weekend is like... I don't even know what I really want anymore... Who cares anyways, right?
The world doesn't revolve around you... just that you're the only person who actually thinks that...
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Employment Rates
Now... What is the problem with many small / medium sized companies in Taiwan?
They have a high employee change rate. Hence... Since we all know we will not be in the company for a long time, we lack the desire to "go at it with our best" and definitely a lack to "make modifications" for the company.
Another is that most employers do not want to let go of their power, the power let down to employees are low, hence, at many times the employees feels the lack of ability to make their own decisions, or make their own suggestions.
They have a high employee change rate. Hence... Since we all know we will not be in the company for a long time, we lack the desire to "go at it with our best" and definitely a lack to "make modifications" for the company.
Another is that most employers do not want to let go of their power, the power let down to employees are low, hence, at many times the employees feels the lack of ability to make their own decisions, or make their own suggestions.
Monday, October 16, 2006
WORK.....ING....HOURS.....
Okay.... my working hours... don't have one, because... i don't have off working hours...
Overloaded, frustrated, stressed, friendless...
I feel ignorant, I feel like a lazy person, I feel that I am not doing what I should have achieved. I am nothing.
Lack of will power, lack of knowledge, lack of intelligence.
I NEED TO GROW!!!!!!!
I am hungry for everything right now... every knowledge I can get into my hands... craving it... dyingly hungry for it...
I need to improve.
But, I'm tired, I'm sleepy, I'm exhausted. This is a stage, I feel, this is a phase in my life. If I can pass this, then I will be stronger and better and more confident of myself.
Overloaded, frustrated, stressed, friendless...
I feel ignorant, I feel like a lazy person, I feel that I am not doing what I should have achieved. I am nothing.
Lack of will power, lack of knowledge, lack of intelligence.
I NEED TO GROW!!!!!!!
I am hungry for everything right now... every knowledge I can get into my hands... craving it... dyingly hungry for it...
I need to improve.
But, I'm tired, I'm sleepy, I'm exhausted. This is a stage, I feel, this is a phase in my life. If I can pass this, then I will be stronger and better and more confident of myself.
Friday, October 13, 2006
Friends
Are friends real? Or is it just a myth. Only when you benefit each other, can you be friends. Once the benefit is gone, lives drift apart. At least, that seems to be the way with so many people, and so many things.
We are friends because you thought you can learn something from me, because you thought you can gain something from me. When I decided to stop talking, stop exploding, stop pretending to be great, you lost your interest. How unfortunate, for I've decided merely to rest a bit.
Right now for me isn't the time to be glowing, right now and for the next few years, it is going to be the hard trial of learning, re-learning, experimenting, re-experimenting, absorbing, re-absorbing, taking as much knowledge from every field I touch as I can. Always, I've felt, there's a time limitation. 30 years old, by then, I have to be accomplished in my own definition. I have to accomplish what some people called impossible, I have to prove to myself that my motto was right: Nothing is impossible! As long as you try. And, when you try, do try very hard, or else, don't even start.
Don't know why, I've became less and less gemini, more and more something else. Still, I have, I hope, the same wit and cheerfulness of a gemini, but something else grows inside of me. That little bubble of stubborness, persistance, the madness to perfect, to win, to conquer, to be better than expected... The desire to win, the desire to be stable, to take responsibility, no matter how great, how hard, how tiring, and still being able to accomplish my dreams.
1. Nothing is impossible as long as you are willing to make it possible.
2. You don't find time, you make time.
3. There's no such thing as luck, there's only good choice.
4. You make the choice, you take the responsibilities.
5. Anyone but for the first place are losers, are you a loser?
6. Just be happy!
7. Everyone's an individual, everyone is to be respected for their decisions, even if you cannot agree.
8. There's a reason for everything. There's a pro, and a con.
9. The world isn't black and white, nothing is good or evil. It's all just the question of reasoning.
10. Make believe, make com true.
Some people might sneer at the philosophy of my life, but so far, it's proven to suit my personality. At least... I'm generally happy. Sad once a month for hateful female reasons, but otherwise almost always energetic and cheerful (for those who know me, you had to admit thus). Some might think it's stupid to live so stressed out, but then, it makes me happy to be a workaholic who complains about having too much work because it's amusing to complain sometimes. :P I am who I am.
We are friends because you thought you can learn something from me, because you thought you can gain something from me. When I decided to stop talking, stop exploding, stop pretending to be great, you lost your interest. How unfortunate, for I've decided merely to rest a bit.
Right now for me isn't the time to be glowing, right now and for the next few years, it is going to be the hard trial of learning, re-learning, experimenting, re-experimenting, absorbing, re-absorbing, taking as much knowledge from every field I touch as I can. Always, I've felt, there's a time limitation. 30 years old, by then, I have to be accomplished in my own definition. I have to accomplish what some people called impossible, I have to prove to myself that my motto was right: Nothing is impossible! As long as you try. And, when you try, do try very hard, or else, don't even start.
Don't know why, I've became less and less gemini, more and more something else. Still, I have, I hope, the same wit and cheerfulness of a gemini, but something else grows inside of me. That little bubble of stubborness, persistance, the madness to perfect, to win, to conquer, to be better than expected... The desire to win, the desire to be stable, to take responsibility, no matter how great, how hard, how tiring, and still being able to accomplish my dreams.
1. Nothing is impossible as long as you are willing to make it possible.
2. You don't find time, you make time.
3. There's no such thing as luck, there's only good choice.
4. You make the choice, you take the responsibilities.
5. Anyone but for the first place are losers, are you a loser?
6. Just be happy!
7. Everyone's an individual, everyone is to be respected for their decisions, even if you cannot agree.
8. There's a reason for everything. There's a pro, and a con.
9. The world isn't black and white, nothing is good or evil. It's all just the question of reasoning.
10. Make believe, make com true.
Some people might sneer at the philosophy of my life, but so far, it's proven to suit my personality. At least... I'm generally happy. Sad once a month for hateful female reasons, but otherwise almost always energetic and cheerful (for those who know me, you had to admit thus). Some might think it's stupid to live so stressed out, but then, it makes me happy to be a workaholic who complains about having too much work because it's amusing to complain sometimes. :P I am who I am.
Monday, October 09, 2006
This is sick
However the world has "improved" my stomachache progressed with it. There is a direct ratio between degree of vomit and degree of social advancement. Higher goes higher, lower goes lower. It's at a closing climax now.
Maybe it isn't that bad of an idea to have the end of the world appear in our life-time. I suppose I've always sort of prayed for it, another flood, another Noah's Ark, and me being the first to drown after the endless politicians and metropolitans who spend their lives questioning their cashbook, "how do I get more money? Bigger house? Better car?" This is sickening. And it is a sickening feeling that just doesn't disappear.
Just read an article on New York Times called "Two Bedrooms, but No Doorman? A Pity, Tiniest New Yorkers Scoff" by Teri Jarush Rogers. What is the wrong with the world? Kids comparing house sizes and feeling emotionally distraught because their room is smaller, their family poorer, their possessions lesser. This, isn't the world I want for my own child to grow up in, ever (provided that I get a child first), nor for my sister (who is only 9 at the moment).
$$$ isn't everything. Material isn't everything. Having enough to survive is important, indeed, but I am tired of being slaves to "getting richer, earning more". There isn't enough if you fall in love with money, if you become slaves of $$$. You get an apartment, you want a house; you get a house, you want a mansion; you get a masion, you want a palace; ... You get a scooter, you want a motorcycle; you get a motorcycle, you want a car; you get a car, you want a sport car; ... The list can really go on. What does any of this mean to you when you are alone by youself? What does this mean to you when you are 80 years old and can't drive anymore, can't move around the big mansion anymore, can't play with all the expensive toys anymore?
Who cares if you have a bigger house when the house is cold? Who cares if you have more toys when you haven't any true friends who would go through fire and hell with you? Who cares if you have everything money can buy in the world when you no longer know the meaning of any of it?
There's one thing money cannot buy, and that is love, that is the soul.
It's so sick, the way the world is now, so sick to the core. Why lie to myself anymore?
Maybe it isn't that bad of an idea to have the end of the world appear in our life-time. I suppose I've always sort of prayed for it, another flood, another Noah's Ark, and me being the first to drown after the endless politicians and metropolitans who spend their lives questioning their cashbook, "how do I get more money? Bigger house? Better car?" This is sickening. And it is a sickening feeling that just doesn't disappear.
Just read an article on New York Times called "Two Bedrooms, but No Doorman? A Pity, Tiniest New Yorkers Scoff" by Teri Jarush Rogers. What is the wrong with the world? Kids comparing house sizes and feeling emotionally distraught because their room is smaller, their family poorer, their possessions lesser. This, isn't the world I want for my own child to grow up in, ever (provided that I get a child first), nor for my sister (who is only 9 at the moment).
$$$ isn't everything. Material isn't everything. Having enough to survive is important, indeed, but I am tired of being slaves to "getting richer, earning more". There isn't enough if you fall in love with money, if you become slaves of $$$. You get an apartment, you want a house; you get a house, you want a mansion; you get a masion, you want a palace; ... You get a scooter, you want a motorcycle; you get a motorcycle, you want a car; you get a car, you want a sport car; ... The list can really go on. What does any of this mean to you when you are alone by youself? What does this mean to you when you are 80 years old and can't drive anymore, can't move around the big mansion anymore, can't play with all the expensive toys anymore?
Who cares if you have a bigger house when the house is cold? Who cares if you have more toys when you haven't any true friends who would go through fire and hell with you? Who cares if you have everything money can buy in the world when you no longer know the meaning of any of it?
There's one thing money cannot buy, and that is love, that is the soul.
It's so sick, the way the world is now, so sick to the core. Why lie to myself anymore?
Saturday, October 07, 2006
infinity
infinity in demands... unmet demands... unconsiderate personality... selfishness... c'est moi
I'm tired of being the bosses good employee, the parents' good daughter, the teachers' good student, the boyfriends' good girlfriend. I just want to be my good me. Where is Naomi after everyone ask her to deminish a part of herself? Where is Naomi after everyone ask her to give up herself for someone else? Where is Naomi after every time she feels she's the one with the problem, with the faults, with the negativity... Naomi can never be good enough. Then she would only not be Naomi, she would only become someone else, and that's bad... Because most people loved Naomi because she was Naomi, because she's unique, because she is different, but... that is also what they all end up wanting to change about her... Then they just all end up not loving her anymore because... "Naomi isn't Naomi anymore, she's someone I don't know anymore!" I need to get out of here...
---
GET TO BERLIN! GET TO BERLIN! GET TO BERLIN! That little voice inside my head keeps saying~
(Here, I am living on BERLIN TIME)
I'm tired of being the bosses good employee, the parents' good daughter, the teachers' good student, the boyfriends' good girlfriend. I just want to be my good me. Where is Naomi after everyone ask her to deminish a part of herself? Where is Naomi after everyone ask her to give up herself for someone else? Where is Naomi after every time she feels she's the one with the problem, with the faults, with the negativity... Naomi can never be good enough. Then she would only not be Naomi, she would only become someone else, and that's bad... Because most people loved Naomi because she was Naomi, because she's unique, because she is different, but... that is also what they all end up wanting to change about her... Then they just all end up not loving her anymore because... "Naomi isn't Naomi anymore, she's someone I don't know anymore!" I need to get out of here...
---
GET TO BERLIN! GET TO BERLIN! GET TO BERLIN! That little voice inside my head keeps saying~
(Here, I am living on BERLIN TIME)
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Eden needs to be tended
Even Eden needs to be tended with care and absolution.
Never ask yourself what you can't do, just ask what you can do. God did not give us a brain so that we can spend our days thinking about what we cannot do. He gave it to us so that we can create infinite possibilities with it.
Never ask yourself if you have enough time, just ask how to make time. There is no 24 hours a day, that's for beneficial human calculation. If you need more time, you need to break free of this mentality and make time for yourself. A minute more can mean heavens. A minute less can be hell.
There is a time for eveything. A time to have fun, a time to work, a time to become stabler, a time to get wild, a time to be yourself, a time to consider others. Humans are gifted with the sense of time, not so that they use it to whatever their desire, but that they have a hand over their lives. What time to do what? That choice is in our hands, and with the choice comes the responsibility. Use the times well, and know when to do what.
Looking back at pictures of Finland, not really willing to let it go. Yet, this isn't the time for nostalgia, this is the time to get a grip of my life. I've been nostalgic for 10 years, it's time to move on and actually see that the world is more than just past memories. Let go of the past and move forward. This is the time for that.
Never ask yourself what you can't do, just ask what you can do. God did not give us a brain so that we can spend our days thinking about what we cannot do. He gave it to us so that we can create infinite possibilities with it.
Never ask yourself if you have enough time, just ask how to make time. There is no 24 hours a day, that's for beneficial human calculation. If you need more time, you need to break free of this mentality and make time for yourself. A minute more can mean heavens. A minute less can be hell.
There is a time for eveything. A time to have fun, a time to work, a time to become stabler, a time to get wild, a time to be yourself, a time to consider others. Humans are gifted with the sense of time, not so that they use it to whatever their desire, but that they have a hand over their lives. What time to do what? That choice is in our hands, and with the choice comes the responsibility. Use the times well, and know when to do what.
Looking back at pictures of Finland, not really willing to let it go. Yet, this isn't the time for nostalgia, this is the time to get a grip of my life. I've been nostalgic for 10 years, it's time to move on and actually see that the world is more than just past memories. Let go of the past and move forward. This is the time for that.
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