心裡面有一個空白的洞

it doesn't matter what i do, the emptiness is still there

the missing part of my heart

it is still there

when can i fill it up

make it full

make it supplied... with endless bloodlines / connections

the moment when I cry.............. u... me... me... me... me...

positive

all these are just too positive for me...

太正向了～我會受不了～我想要一點惡魔的感覺～

I wanna have some of that devilish back in my body... then I'll feel real...

Right now, I feel like I am trapped in something I am not entirely...

The explosion awaits...

Don't understand

Why must we do certain things just for men's benefit?

Why lift the sit on the toilet just because men forgets to lift them?

Why isn't it that we educate the men instead?

Why must we cook for the men, dress the men, and bow in front of them?

We mustn't!

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No, never... we mustn't

hum

Let's move to Denmark... @@

At least it seems like Denmark is a marvelous place to be (according to the magazines)

Or maybe, better... Finland... (for my own interest)...

The Will Power

When you must carry on with your will power, then... that's the true test of your humanity...

Kool... if I am playing an online game... I can feel my "experience" and my "points" growing right now...

(working w/ two computers running several windows each, while trying to deal with product, business plan, america tic problems, and trying to figure out how to make time arrangements for the following week, and trying to plan my business for the rest of the week)

Well... talk about efficiency... I'm starting to really pick that up...

Wikisource... Wicked wiki

Very very wicked wiki...

Have you wikied today?

Dumb

I wanna jump and shout. I wanna speak but cannot.

I hear not the world around, but only that which is beneath.

I feel not you, but all that surrounds which makes you.

I am here and there and everywhere, but nowhere.

I am you and me and he and she.

It's all but the silence, pressing me.

And pressing, by the day, and pressing...

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I feel... my hearing deterioting...

And I take to read your lips, more carefully, than before...

And feeling the chaos of the world slowing dipping itself into my sanity...

And across the line, my insanity, so closely... touching

All of a sudden, its a burst

All of a sudden bursting with the explosive sensation of a "mass" inspiration. I feel like I cannot breath, but have to find a solitude location, and hide and write and write and write. Perhaps the balcony will proof an excellent location. I sit here, feeling a bit, frightened and lost. The surge of power and force crushing itself into me, burrying my soul into the depth of it and taking me over, like possessing me. It does possess me. It includes me and possesses me. It takes me somewhere I've never been, somewhere no one has been.

I've recently started spitting out the string of a long story. A parallel universe of my existence, a runaway location, a renegade world. It has been discovered, the portway opened, my heart ache with absolute fear... It is the depth of me. The soul of me. The abyss of me. The emptiness of me. The fullness of me. It is me in full raw flesh, exposed in its entirity, exposed to be touched, fundled, cuddles, reformed. Exposed to the very veins of it, the very nerves, the very bloody lines below the cut aside skin.

Sometimes I feel, when the story ends, I end, when the story carries, I carry. The story is me, and I am the story, and now we are facing the world, unsheltered by anything. All exposed to people's examination. The pressure is high, and the sensations overbearing. A cup of wine well drinken... an future well saluted... an inner revolution begun.

HERE FOR YOU

here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you here for you ...

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write it into a page, and still... it says the same... just... "here for you"... as "always"

The sadness

Sometimes the sadness is just overbearing, but we have to learn to bear it.

Sometimes the world is shattering, but we must learn to stand it.

Sometimes the desire is too great, but we must learn to deal with it.

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And we do, in the end, and grow into something richer, greater, deeper, longer, grander, than the past

Try me

My uncle challenged me today.

He's turned kind of weird...

I plan to accept the challenge, bravely, and see what happens. I've never been the kind to back off when a challenge is thrown in my face.

Tomorrow, I challenge myself... :P to 15 questionnaires before the end of the night. And to finish calling everyone on my calling list.

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yes... this week I'm all business business business~ because I won't have so much time for business businesss business soon...

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I want to top all my needed quota this week so that next week I can think about how to advance everything~ still 700 points to go. And hopefuly Huskey will take 1000 points this month... we'll see how Saturday goes... and a few more cases next week~ good... but can be much better

the answer is simple, just believe

The answer is simple, just believe...

Just put your heart into something, and forget about all else, just focus, because you know it's something worthy of your attention.

And because you know that's where the future is heading to, and you don't want to be left behind, you want to be one of the pioneers... it's hard, but it's the future, indeed... there's no need to question it, no matter what others may say...

This is the choice I made, and this is the path I am in now, and this is the decision I am proud to say that I will keep at. With or without people's support, I know that I am on the right path. This is a path most people still do not understand and do not want to understand. Take the path now, and in a few years, they will be the ones to envy you.

The world is changing. You can chose to change before it, with it, or be left behind. I am changing with it right now, my next goal is to chage before it. To run before the world, there, you can see truely a sky too blue to be blue.

Nu Skin is the New World. Welcome to the new generation.

Strength

I will survive.

I believe in myself, and I will work harder to survive. The thing is, life isn't getting easier... it's getting harder every day. I don't have a family to turn back to, and I don't have anyone to depend on, but I know I can depend on myself. I belong to myself. My future lies in my own hands and I decide what becomes of myself.

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How does a person feel when they suddenly find a home to go to? Touched to the heart...

Things to do this week

Draft design for Akia (1/14)
Story I for Akia (1/14)
Story outline (1/14)
Marketing methods (Online marketing/international marketing)
Conceptial description
Marketing research (Online marketing/international marketing)
Nu Skin Questionnaire
Nu Skin Cases (3-7)
Job (boss visitation/office decoration)
Trip planning (1/17)
Dad's reading (1/10)
Send cards

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That's all I can think of at the moment. I think I am missing something, but I am not sure... >< Wish me luck~ grrrr
What a week~

Verbal Abuse

What can be worse when your mother is constantly telling you how much she doesn't care about your life. When there's nothing to say except to hear her get angry at you. Except when she's shouting, she doesn't react to what you say about anything.

Then, perhaps, there's no love. Then... there's no family... then, there's no home...

I want a home, somewhere... but I know this place isn't... it's never been, and it never will be...

Someone, just take me home... I can't do this anymore...

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I'm good at pretending, because that's all that I've been doing all my life... pretending to be happy in this family... pretending to care about them... pretending to be someone I am not... until I cannot tell the difference between who is who... until I cannot pretend anymore...